Claire's Useless Ramblings

Stream of Consciousness

Fri, 05 Dec 2008 00:17:43 GMT

STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS

I am on top of Jeff right now telling him to be quiet as we make love.

He is texting at the same time.

I am not as comfortable as I anticipated.

I'm 80 years old.

You bitch.

Pilates tonight.

That's all you do.

What?

Water break.

Water broke.

Moooooooooo

Schhme?

What the fuck was that?

Bark.

Writing in my livejournal.

Ringo Starr of the Beatles.

R-I-N-G-O.

Wait.

That's not right.

R-I-N-G-O.

The ones that entertain and observe.

I make it hot.

You should be in a playpen.

Put you in your playpen.

Oh God.

Good brownies.

Fuck.

Elbow went to dinner.

I'm going to touch your boob accidentally.

Wasting time...

Fri, 21 Dec 2007 14:00:23 GMT

Okay, so, I'm a sap...but Merry Christmas!

We had a two hour delay. Woo.

I'm rethinking a little bit my complete and utter distaste for the new Sweeney Todd because it's not on stage and it doesn't have Len Cariou or Angela Lansbury. But...it's a movie. Maybe I should just treat it as a movie, and then I'll like it. Shrug.

Being a Senior

Thu, 20 Dec 2007 06:15:46 GMT

I finished all seven of my college applications.

Where's the immense relief, the rejoicing, the relaxing?

I just feel petrified.

What if I did something wrong?

What if I don't get into ANY colleges because I made some fatal error in my applications?

What if I don't get into ANY colleges?

Where's the immense relief, the rejoicing, the relaxing?

I just feel helpless.

There is nothing I can do now.

Nothing but wait.

Maybe...maybe the relief will kick in tomorrow?

Saturday, December 15

Sun, 16 Dec 2007 05:39:30 GMT

9:30AM - I woke up, very reluctantly, for no reason other than my guilt for sleeping in.
10:15AM - I went back to sleep on the couch, after realizing that I couldn't keep my eyes open.
11:30AM - Waking up, I preceded to waste a half an hour of my life doing God knows what.
12:00PM - I took a shower, got dressed and ready to go out.
1:00PM - Kal Penn came to the Democrats' office. I went, even though I have never seen anything he's been in, because I love Obama. And I wanted to see someone who has met Hugh Laurie. :) I was impressed by his little speech, and how very normal he was. I was forced into taking a picture of him, very awkwardly, and chatted a little bit about Barack Obama.
3:00PM - I drove home and immediately changed back into my PJs.
3;30PM - Repressing my urge to kick my computer in the face, I resigned myself to the fact that the last episode of the seventh season of Friends (Monica and Chandler's wedding!) would NOT play on my computer. I consoled myself with Netflix "Watch Now!" feature (because our internet is faster now!) and saw some of The Office and Law and Order: Criminal Intent. And some other time wasting activities.
5:00PM - In order to avoid cleaning, I hid myself in my room with The Funny Times. I fell asleep for a little bit.
5:45PM - My mother entered my room, and I suddenly felt the urge to discuss things with her. We talked about me for a long time. I feel bad for monopolizing the conversation with my selfish obsession with...me, but she's my mother. It's her job, right?
7:00PM - Mom and Dad leave for a Christmas party, and I begin watching "It Happened One Night" with Clark Gable and Claudette Colbert. I must make a note that when I am feeling down, I simply need to watch 1930s movies. I also drew a portrait of Claudette Colbert that I'm somewhat pleased with, although tomorrow I'll probably hate it. Oh, and then I watched ANOTHER Law and Order: CI because my parents weren't home yet.
11:42PM - Here I am. My Saturday is completely done, but I'm trying not to freak out about it. My brother's coming down tomorrow, so that'll make my Sunday a little less depressing. I do have homework and college applications to do, so that's a bit sad. But...THERE ARE ONLY NINE DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS! OMG! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
11:43PM - I begin to freak out about Christmas. I haven't gotten all my presents, and I also have to have all my college applications sent in by/on Friday. That doesn't seem real.
11:44PM - My parents arrive home, so I pretend to be doing something productive. Bye!

Algebraic!

Thu, 13 Dec 2007 03:20:26 GMT

4.5 hours at school.

1 hour watching Lynley.

.5 hour practicing Spanish vocab/talking to Harpo.

2 hours napping.

2.5 hours at the Obama office.

2 hours doing easy homework and obsessively checking facebook.

Add those all together, and it equals a great day.

Self-therapy

Tue, 11 Dec 2007 23:17:17 GMT

This is cut for a reason: it's really boring and self-involved.

So...I think I'm kind of a gullible dummy.

Because, see, I was all excited about the fact that Dan was still making a really strong effort to stay in touch with me while he's away at college. I mean, we talked on the phone; he hung out with me when he visited last time; he wrote me really long facebook messages, and then replied to me promptly; he sent me a bunch of facebook gifts and wall posts and told me how much he missed me. It was nice, and I was really happy that we managed to have a good relationship after the Year From Hell (last year) when he kind of stopped being my bestest friend ever.

But now I realize he was just doing all of that because it was the first few months of college, and he was really homesick, and he hadn't really gotten a strong group of friends at Notre Dame. See, because now that he has a great group of people that he "hangs out with all the time," he's stopped doing all of those things. And I don't even know who I should complain to, because it's not really his fault, I guess. It just makes me sad, because I had tricked myself into thinking that nothing would be different while he was away at college, and I even though things would be better. Reality has kind of sneaked up behind me and kicked me in the ass ninja-style.

It just sucks. It's not anyone's fault either. It's just the way things are when friends move away and get new lives. But I don't like change. And I'm insecure and easily jealous. Sigh.

Sorry, I've got no one around me right now that I can share all this with, so I thought I'd get it out via lj. This is really just a therapy session for me. :P

Who knew?

Tue, 11 Dec 2007 18:07:06 GMT

Did you know that it is snowing?

Did you know that there is no school today?

Did you know that all my other obligations for tonight have been canceled?

Did you know that I've been working for two days and still have oodles to do?

Did you know that I am completely devoid of motivation?

Did you know that Lynley is solving a murder case RIGHT NOW?

I know all of those things. I also know that Milo is yipping and twitching in his sleep, and it is damned adorable. He must be dreaming of chasing rabbits. I also know that my mum's biscuits are amazing, and I want to eat all of them. I also know that if I don't motivate myself to do something today, I'm going to hate myself later. Finally, I know that I am happy because it is snowing beautifully, and I am warm inside with an entire day to do things.

I like that knowledge.

sniff

Mon, 10 Dec 2007 05:24:07 GMT

So...I'm eating curry. That's good. If you ever have nasal congestion, I recommend spicy curry.

I'm staying home tomorrow from school. And no, I'm not sick. No, I'm not going on a college visit; no, a relative did not die; no, I'm not going on a field trip; no, there is no good justification for it. I just spent all of my Friday night dinking around, all of my Saturday sleeping and all of my Sunday filling out college applications (I actually got a few of them done!) I didn't do any homework, even though I have boatloads of it. So, I'm staying home tomorrow simply so that I can sleep in a bit, get up, do more college applications, do my homework and have an enjoyable, not-at-school day. I seriously doubt I'll get half of the stuff I want to/need to get done, but that's the way of things.

So...I'm feeling guilty. That's not good.

"She was so down, look at her now..."

Sun, 09 Dec 2007 03:07:55 GMT

"I had my rock, I had my roll, but I couldn't find the spark..."

It's always interesting when a song you've never really listened to pops up on your iTunes and says what you are feeling. Spoooooky. Ah well. It has reassured me that:

"Everyone knows, give it some time, the clouds will clear the sky..."

I slept a lot today, mostly to avoid thinking about college applications and all of the homework I have to do. When I did think about my college applications, I got a horrible stomachache. I just need to buck up and do it, but it's hard to write when you're aware that every single thing you put down will be highly evaluated. I hardly have the confidence to write my name.

Hey, if anyone would be interested in reading one of my college essays by some wild chance, here it is. Don't worry -- I'm cutting it.

It was Walt Whitman’s “Leaves of Grass” that made me wonder whether love for poetry is hereditary. I was sitting in my sister’s kitchen with the phone (I was in Iowa City for five weeks doing Shakespeare with a company of teenagers, and my mother had called to check up on me). “I’ve been reading Whitman,” she said, even though last time I’d talked to her, she’d insisted upon complete indifference towards his poetry. “I just read this one poem, with a part about a child asking about grass and the graves…” I immediately recognized her nebulous description. I had just read that very same poem a few months ago, and it had struck a chord within me as it had her. We both laughed at the coincidence and spent a good half an hour discussing the poem.

It wasn’t until now, as I re-read the poem with my mother in mind, that I realize how, on some level, it reminds me of my relationship with her. Like the child in the poem that asks Whitman “what is the grass?” I am a child tottering up to my mother, throat filled with impregnable questions, hands cupped to catch the wisdom that poured from her mouth. My mother didn’t simply answer my questions. She taught me how to answer them myself, how to let them grow like bellows on a fire and how to find questions in everything. In short, she influenced me by teaching me how to look at the world through the eyes of a poet. Question, interpret, explore beyond the surface of things…that’s the poetry I see in my mother, and because of her, in myself. I saw poetry when she organized an Iraq war protest at our courthouse, I saw poetry when she fought for our new library…I even see poetry when she’s yelling at the radio, cursing some politician for being a hypocrite or a war mongrel, or when she’s making sure that everyone’s well fed, comfortable and happy.

The qualities that I love in my mother, I am, to my delight, beginning to see in myself. With my mother’s energy and involvement guiding me, I’ve become passionate about many things. This will be the first presidential election in which I’ll be able to vote, and I take that responsibility very seriously. I have been working weekly at our local Barack Obama campaign office, making phone calls and helping bring politics into high school discussions. I love feeling like I’m making a difference, however small. I’ve influenced my mother in a small way as well – after months of harassment, she’s decided to support Obama!

Some of my mother’s influences have been big; others are as small as my reaction to the radio. Now when I turn on NPR in the mornings, I don’t just passively listen, I join in the conversation, questioning what everyone’s saying. I try to fight for what I believe, even when met with fierce opposition, which often happens as a pacifist in a violence driven society. I work hard at school, and when I commit to something, I really commit. And I read poetry when I’m feeling lost or miserable or completely at peace. All of these things are immensely valuable to me, and for those things, I have my mother to thank. But I’m not done yet. I am still growing and changing, but in all that uncertainty, I’m secure in the knowledge that my mother will always be a beacon to which I may look. A poem by which I can be inspired.

In other news, I'm happy that all these people are dating and what not, but man! Am I the only person who doesn't have a boyfriend for the lonely, depressing holidays? It's funny, however, because I don't even want a boyfriend. I've tried that. A few times. And it mostly just ended in disaster, or at least, it just ended. I mostly just want this:

When we finally kiss goodnight,
How I hate going out in the storm,
But if you really hold me tight,
All the home I'll be warm!

Stupid Christmas songs. I thought they were supposed to be happy. More like mocking and in-your-face. Sorry. I'm really not that bent out of shape about it tonight, but I was before. "Let It Snow" really is a bitch. I'm just going to stick with my lame dance music. Although sometimes my lame moves make me a little depressed as well. :) I'm going to go now and read about Nelson's Trafalgar. (Why does that sound dirty?) I randomly picked this book off the shelf because it's very pretty and new looking, and I think it'll be fun to read. More fun that sitting in my blanket-tent on the couch and trying to tell myself over and over that there is "nothing outside of this, nothing outside of this..."

"I think you might be going mad."

Sat, 08 Dec 2007 05:54:24 GMT

Taco Johns + Crappy HyVee White Cake with Crisco/Sugar Frosting = Happy, but Sick Feeling.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

You know what's a bitch?

"What?"

I can never be a famous BBC actress! One who appears on the cool Mystery! specials and guest stars on all the great comedy shows and does all those Jane Austen mini-series.

All because I'm not British. Dammit!

"Yes, because that is the only obstacle to your being in BBC programs."

Shh...

"Oh, this is going to be one of THOSE entries."

Yes, it is in fact.

Actually, no, it won't be. I'm done now. Because I need my sleep so that I can get up tomorrow and be productive! I'm so excited to be productive.

"Excited?"

Yes. I am simply excited now, however, because I don't have to be productive right now. Tomorrow I shall take forever to get anything done and hate doing it.

"God bless us, everyone."

Tue, 04 Dec 2007 18:49:31 GMT

Christmas is officially coming; my dad just went out to get our tree. I am drinking hot chocolate, and the ice on the street is shining a blinding white through my window. I have that melancholy nostalgia following me around. The most inane Christmas songs pop into my head and stay there for days (currently it's "Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat..."). I have to go teach my little kids today, which really is no fun for me anymore, and then I'm taking coats for the Rotary Christmas party, but other than that, I'm basically free tonight. I did intense amounts of homework last night, so tonight's not looking so bad.

Basically what I'm trying to say is that I'm in a good mood right now. I think I'm going to put on some This American Life and take a little nap on the couch, and then figure out what useful knowledge I can impart to my eager, incredibly hyper students. Thanks for tuning in!

Mmm...nap...

Fri, 30 Nov 2007 20:03:26 GMT

I just had a much needed nap.

It was loverly. I woke up to Harpo's sleeping face next to mine on the pillow, and his tiny soft paw tucked under my cheek. Why would one want any other animal but a cat?

Unfortunately, I must now write a 2-4 page "synthesis essay" (aka DBQ) over democracy.

And then it's off to school to get ready for the play.

3 = Symbolism = Magic

Thu, 29 Nov 2007 21:24:23 GMT

1. I only got four hours of sleep last night. Boohoo. (Boohoo quite accurately describes the situation, as I get incredibly emotional when I'm tired. We were watching Avalon today in Senior English, and I cried about six times. Like...when the little boy looked sad, or when a bunch of people came to their store to buy stuff. It was ridiculous).

2. CHANDLER IS GOING TO ASK MONICA TO MARRY HIM! DESPITE HIS FEAR OF COMMITMENT! THIS IS HUGE! EVEN THOUGH I KNEW IT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN! (I also started crying when I found out). (Can you find something out that you already knew?)

3. I have to go to play practice in...oh crap, now!

must...keep...eyelids...open...

Thu, 29 Nov 2007 04:45:39 GMT

i am so tired i cannot capitalize.

malory dreasler. i would just like you to know that i have taken the makeup torch from you. i taught myself how to do old age makeup; i hardly had enough time to do my own makeup because i was doing everyone else's; i spent twenty minutes cleaning up the makeup room after rehearsal today; i bitched people out for leaving crap on the counters and for LEAVING THEIR SPONGES OUT! i hope that i can do you justice. big shoes to fill, i assure you.

play practice went better tonight, but it's still not consistent. i'm not firm in the knowledge that we won't screw up royally opening night, but i am a lot less freaked out now. i actually left play practice in a semi-good mood. gasp.

however, i am now exhausted, greasy, and have a complicated spanish test tomorrow for which i still need to study. i am going to go the bathroom, wash my face, grab a snack and sit for a bit. then i will be ready to study, study, study. my ass off. and remind me that tomorrow i need to write a list of makeup steps since hardly anyone gets it.

mal - do men need to wear blush? that's my only question.

Wed, 28 Nov 2007 04:18:56 GMT

So...I deleted the last post out of shame, but thank you all for your supportive comments. We shall just pretend like that post didn't happen last night.

I am incredibly exhausted. For some reason, I am incapable of sleeping and have gotten only about nine hours of sleep the past two days. I shall use that as an excuse for my heightened emotional state.

I don't even think I'm going to pretend to do my homework. I'm going to take my last vicadin and try to sleep.

It sucks to be me, it sucks to be me!

Mon, 26 Nov 2007 19:04:14 GMT

I am going to ignore the fact that I have begun posting alarming amounts in my lj. Also the fact that my to do list really isn't much interest to anyone.

TO DO:
* practice viola
* read at least five pages of Chapter 17 for European History
* write an expository essay
* rough draft for daily routine Spanish project
* practice lines

what i'd like TO DO:
* watch Inspector Lynley be hott and British...and solve crimes
* listen to my Avenue Q soundtrack
* clean my room
* write the next great American novel
* color Disney princesses
* take a nap
* take a bubble bath with candles while listening to Michael Buble

Sigh. Reality is the suck.

I'm learning so much about heroin...

Mon, 26 Nov 2007 05:35:11 GMT

I'm not quite sure why I'm watching the latter half of Trainspotting at 11PM at night. I decided that this movie wasn't really for me after the neglect of the little baby scene. I feel like I should watch a movie all the way through, however, before I judge it. It is proof that just because a movie has Ewan McGregor in it and other boys with cute accents does not mean I'll like it. That still doesn't explain why I'm watching it now, when I could be doing homework or sleeping...anything really. Most likely sleeping, since I'm incapable of doing anything productive with my time. I was feeling really depressed earlier today, but now I'm kind of resigned. I just had a minor freakout when a car rolled down the hill and stopped mysteriously outside of our house. It just sat there, with its lights on. I'm not sure why I'm so afraid of being murdered or robbed or raped. It's rather childish and illogical. I suppose watching crime as a form of entertainment kind of precipitates that fear. I'm just waiting for Mum to yell at me to go to bed. I think all my lj entries should have a point, but this one definitely doesn't. Ah well, no one has to read it. I think that's really all I had to say, however. I shall devote my full attention to my movie, and then it's off to bed for Claire.

My Theory

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 04:27:54 GMT

Jazz is one of the only forms through which love can truly be communicated.

Just listen to Billy Holiday.

Except for don't, unless you want to have that painful ache in the pit of your stomach.

Hmm...I'm feeling odd.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Fri, 23 Nov 2007 04:37:32 GMT

I am so good at creative chewing. I was able to consume an entire Thanksgiving meal without hurting my wisdom teeth. Well, that's not true, I did a little. But it was so worth it. Now it's getting late, and I've already taken about three naps today, so I'm not very tired. I'll have to find something to watch...

I'm not quite sure why I'm posting, but I did find out something really random. The boy, Sean, who I haven't really talked about in awhile...well, he doesn't have facebook anymore. I know that sounds lame, but it's really weird, because he didn't tell me and now I can't message him or call him (his number was on his page) and I'm just confused. I guess...I won't hang out with him this weekend? Which is probably for the best, since I still feel like I look like a chipmunk.

Tomorrow I am going to make a skirt for the play with my grandma and mother. I'm ridiculously excited for that - it just seems so Little Women-y that it makes me happy and secure feeling. Even though I don't really talk to them, I like having a bunch of family at my house. Although holidays do make me really miss Katie. I talked to her this morning, and we both cried. I don't know how I can survive a Christmas without her...or another Thanksgiving... But I guess I have to somehow. I miss her so much. I keep having dreams with her in them, except she's back from Morocco and totally unexcited to see me. All I want to do in my dreams is run up to her and hug her and never leave her side, and she's always like, "Hey, Claire..." really casually. It's happened several times randomly in my dreams. I think it's just one of my fears. That she doesn't miss me, and that she'll come back a completely different person, or that she's got this whole new life and we'll never catch up.

I am James Joyce.

Tue, 20 Nov 2007 05:47:07 GMT

It's far too late, and I'm tired, but I want to write an adorable, stream-of-consciousness livejournal post like Ellie! Mine are always weighed down by my obsessive planning and construction, but not tonight! I'm going to be cute and spontaneous and secretly insightful...

Crap, I'm already planning! That wasn't supposed to happen! I'm planning on not planning my livejournal post. This is just a paradox. My head hurts. By the way, I'm getting my wisdom teeth taken out tomorrow. I think it's somewhat sick that I'm looking forward to it a little. I'm going to have an entire day where I can't do anything, and I will have a valid excuse to sit around and sleep. Therefore, I cannot feel guilty for being a lazy-ass bum!

Also, Mrs. LaVille = Probably hates me, because Tyler Peschong decided to repeat really loudly and far too seriously the comment I made about Catholics being crazy. I was CLEARLY joking, and CLEARLY making a blanket statement, and now I'm the brunt of Catholic hate. They'll probably start burning crosses in my yard and stuff. Oh wait, that's the KKK, isn't it? Dang. That's a somewhat offensive mix-up. I can't stop doing it, apparently. I'm just an inadvertent Catholic mocker. I cannae help it! It's in my Quaker blood! Anyways, I pretty much obsessed about that all day. I felt like a big old jerk. I'm not that prejudiced, dammit! I was JOKING...and trying to piss off Tyler. But apparently Catholics don't have a sense of humor... DANGIT! I'm doing it again! What is with me today? Maybe I'm a Catholic hater.

But hey, EVERYONE'S A LITTLE BIT RACIST, SOMETIMES... (Pretend Catholicism is a race, and that segue will work. And it's really important that it works, because it leads perfectly into my rant and rave about Avenue Q!) I went to see Avenue Q on Sunday with Michelle, Annie, Katelyn and Alyssa, and it was fantastic. It was so hilarious and well done. I mean, obviously. It's the Civic Center. But I kind of hate going to see professional theatre, especially musical theatre. It's like, "Hey, watch all these people being amazing at doing this one thing that you adore, but that you'll probably never be able to do." It's like...being a mermaid and going to a park where everyone is walking. You're just sitting there, somehow out of water and in a park, flipping your fin, and all these walking people are inadvertently like, "Meh-heh, we have legs. Watch us walk all...two-legged like." And you're like, "Dang, yo, I'll never be a part of that world." And then you go flipping back to your underwater castle, and you are really full of energy and passion and excitement just because you got to, in some way, experience the world of the two-legged people. And then after about a day in your underwater castle, you realize, "Hey...I've just been on a vicarious high. I can never be two-legged. I will never succeed. All those two-legged people are just better than me. It's the only thing I'll ever want, and I will never have it." And then you probably go to a sunken shipwreck and attempt to get eaten by a shark because your life is too miserable and unfulfilled.

Okay...so, I think I carried analogy a little too far. But you get my point, right? Well, that's the depression I've felt. It kicked in this morning, after all of Sunday being amazing and bouncy and full of life and passion and opportunity. And now that I've embarrassed myself with my mermaid metaphor, I think I'm going to sign off. I could keep rambling, believe you me, but it's just making me sad again. I have this achey, sour feeling in my stomach, and my heart feels like it's pressing up against my ribcage.

Ain't you got no rhymes for me?

Tue, 06 Nov 2007 01:52:28 GMT

I'm not quite sure what is up with me and bad poetry recently. I suppose I was feeling really down, and when I'm feeling blue, I always write horrible poetry. I'm not quite sure why I post it, really. I guess I'm hoping it's somehow a masterpiece.

If I could paint,
I would brush thick strokes of grey
on blinding canvasses.
If I could sing,
I would wail like thunder
and punctuate the notes like rain on roofs.
If I could write poetry,
I would use words like "grave" and "empty"
to fool myself about the depth of my grief.

I would, but I can't.
And instead, I sit and
contemplate the silence of tombs.
I chew my fingers until I see pink,
like the bellies of shells.
I cry in streams and rivers.
Perhaps with enough tears I can
validate my sorrow.
It is not real emotion unless you can
taste the sea.
In crying, I become the dying children
and their grieving mothers.
I am something bigger, something stronger, something better
than an unsure kid with the blues.
If I could make my pain poignant,
at least it would mean something.

It would, but it doesn't.
And instead, I sit and
contemplate nothing.
And pretend that it is
Something Else.

I hear the drizzle of the rain...

Tue, 30 Oct 2007 03:53:33 GMT

It is a Simon and Garfunkel night.
A night for simple harmonies and poignant lyrics.
A night for understatements, for sleepy melodies, for haunting voices.
It is a Simon and Garfunkel night.

It is a robe-wearing night.
A night for soft fabric and a perpetual terrycloth hug.
A night for warmth seeping into bones, for flushed cheeks, for security.
It is a robe-wearing night.

It is a something-else night.
A night for winged dreams and grand wishes.
A night for forgetting the present, for masking reality, for looking elsewhere.
It is a something-else night.

I hope this will be the last night.
The last night for bad poetry and the blues.
The last night for drowsy apathy, for permanent pouts, for waiting on the beginning.
I hope this will be the last night.

(This was for Kelsey. The only reason I don't constantly update livejournal is to save my somewhat crumbling image of detached independence and having better things to do).

Depression + Moulin Rouge = Whoops...

Sun, 28 Oct 2007 22:38:00 GMT

Okay, now I remember why I don't watch Moulin Rouge...

Ever.

Stress Explosion

Sun, 28 Oct 2007 18:52:29 GMT

I can't do it.

The proposed majors, the extracurricular activities, the academic awards, the "define yourself" questions, the dates, the numbers, the tests...

How do you apply for college?

I don't get it. I can't do it.

It's early afternoon, and if I didn't have my AP European History class, I would be completely finished with my homework. But now...now...I could start doing homework now and I wouldn't get it all finished. And then, just looking at my college apps...

I can't. I give up.

Couch, blanket, Harpo, stress eating...here I come.

I heart lists

Fri, 26 Oct 2007 01:08:44 GMT

AWESOMENESS:
1) I made a very strict, detailed schedule for myself this evening, and I'm actually following it!
2) Things with the boy are mostly sorted out, although I think that whole ordeal sort of undermined whatever commitment/excitement I had for the relationship. I may be singing a different tune once I actually hang out with him again.
3) I don't have to go to Northwestern this weekend; I get to stay home and hang out with friends and sleep and do nothing!
4) I am about to drink hot chocolate!
5) I don't actually have a fifth thing, but I have to do things in multiples of five.

LAMENESS:
1) I've been feeling icky recently. Tonight was pretty good, since I'm following a schedule and getting stuff done, but I'm beginning to lose focus and motivation now that I have to do my harder stuff.
2) My room is A MESS. And I can't focus very well when my room is a mess.
3) I watched the last episode of the last season of Grey's Anatomy, which means no more Grey's for me for another year! I'll probably be able to find some other mind-numbing, unrealistic, cheesy replacement though.
4) I can't sing. And I LOVE to sing.
5) I fail at Chem labs. Seriously fail.